i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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