first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
