i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
