Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
