I love black thongs
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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