I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
