Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
