am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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