You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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