I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
