Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
