if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
