Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
