Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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