We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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