really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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