hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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