If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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