he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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