Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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