i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
