A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
