My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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