I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize