everyone is single if you try hard enough
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
