i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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