He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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