im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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