I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
