Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
COCAINE IS GR8
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
