I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
