apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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