My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
we should paint friendship bongs
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