We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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