You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
