Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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