Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
