My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wish there were birth control emojis
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
