I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
