Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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