She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
