So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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