You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
