This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
