i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
