You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
