STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
