your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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