HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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