I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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