I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
