I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
