You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
