ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
pray to the hookup gods
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
