Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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