drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
