I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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