wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
