I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
