fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize