Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
