My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
