If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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