I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
