p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
