Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
