Farmville is her only friend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
