Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
