this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
