I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize