the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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