i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize