When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
