I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
