Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
